Lost in the Bliss of Being a Vampire

Yes. :D

I actually thought I was over her! She still controls me, the more that I try not to go near her and be a fucking moron again. I can't really say how much I thought I've changed, only to be fooled again. I guess you can't really get over first loves.

Yes I'm back. Again. For the nth time. I promised people I would regularly update my blogs again (not only the AOL blog, haha). Well yesterday was officially the day I revived my interest in making friends, with much-needed help from Sarah and Vanessa and a couple of HIM fans. *wink* You know who you guys are. 'Sides, I missed Joel. xD And Meghan.

Check out my newest fanlisting! http://shotgundeathwish.i-heart-you.org/octoberfall For the FBR band. *sigh* Wish they'd release a second album. :o

Changed the layout; yipee! (I sound gay. Hopeless. *sigh*)

Fuck LiveJournal and money; I'd have made my own layout by now.

Yeah I have a new blog now. PM me or comment if you want to know the URL. :) Of course I'll still be updating (and I hope more often, now that school's officially out and Matt's not here to bug me). I didn't get the latest issue of Ideas because the distribution of the newspaper was really very messy. We just nicked Ms. Twinkle's copy...then we told her. Haha. She was cool about it.

Dad just went to school. Psssh. I wonder if I really want to go to America anymore.

Fuuuck. I'm bored to death, it's Holy Frickin' Week and I don't know what to do.

Gaah. One of the reasons I hate school. I dreamt about Sir Ruel molesting someone I know. O_o Weird, right?

FUCK!

People may swear we're friends now but for me, we're not. I don't even think I'll be friends with him anymore. I found out, to my great surprise (and maybe even dislike) that I am very much like Pete Wentz. Or I am Wentzian, whatever.

And I vow to keep my mouth shut. At all times. Let the fingers do the work.

I mean, why? With all the hatred and war in the world today, why did he have to add fuel to the flame? It was all wordlessly understood by both of us, dad and I, that he was sorry to have said those words to me by holding and guiding my hand when I was cleaning the windows. But why?

I don't think I want answers, I just want to ask. I haven't cried in a long while and I don't think I need to let it out.

Reading Stevan Javellana's Without Seeing the Dawn is great. It put me in a stupor for the 2 days I was reading it and I have not regretted doing so. The story is simply told and the characters are quite easy to relate too. Unsurprisingly, my favorite is Carding. Our difference is that his politeness is natural and mine is forced, merely a mask I put on when I'm home. Lucing is a crybaby, who is queer, because she keeps wanting Carding to come back to her, yet when he is beside her, she shuts up.

Sometimes I'm like that.

I don't want to go back to the old me, to summer flings and talk only of boys and girls. That's stupid. And it's teenybopperish. Yet it's a part of my past I can't erase and that's that.

Fontana was a memorable experience I'd like to forget. Not simply because it was the last day I was comfortable in my friends's arms, not because I saw Squidballs and not because I swam in this summer heat.

Because it disturbed me so much. All the pleading that made me a lesbian again. All the laughs they shared without me. Everything.

Davey says it beautifully:

This wasn't for you. This wasn't FOR anyone. It's simply a remake of a classic. We held hands, we shared laughs, we shared beds. She told her that we were lovers. Were we? But this wasn't for you really, what's the cat to do when the mouse is begging?

Someone fucking faked an article that Matt Bellamy of Muse was going to produce P!@TD album. Weird.

I dunno what to say.

For Panic! at the Disco fans, please join this site:

http://trophyboys.proboards102.com

It's quite new, but it's exciting! :D

Yeah. You're sooo lucky I'm chatty today. Haha. We just had our Confirmation. I'm so glad it's over.

Well Fr. Egg came and went before the rite even started (pretty funny; he said "Something came up") and Carol didn't arrive at all, on account of her sick mom.

The mass was boring. I almost slept in the Homily part; Fr. Joel was so boring. Haha. And then after that was a 10 minute break and Marie and I hung out a little. Then it was back to Formation Number 1 and we were sweating in the sun. Then the marching tune played and we went right in, marching to nothing. Everyone was out of beat. The marching tune is soooo slow, how can you march to it?! I think you have to CRAWL to it.

Then we made lots of mistakes with all the frickin' "Amen"s and then when I was in line to be confirmed my dad was there and I was like, "Dad wth are you doing here?! Where's Fr. Egg?"

He said, "He left us." And the three of us (plus Emily) were laughing all the way to the bishop back to the seats. Well that was me anyway. I felt like a loser. I felt like a PROXY, a proxy for a person with my same name and face and same everything. Minus the reality. I was a proxy for MYSELF.

It felt really weird, walking between two people pretending to be your godparents and you pretending to be yourself. It was weird.

Well I still have oil on my forehead. Ew. I'll wipe it off maybe.

MCR's next single is I Don't Love You. Double ew. I hate that song. Kinda. Now I like My Chemical but really, The Black Parade is sort of ridiculous compared to their past albums. *sigh*

I got pissed off yesternight at the one and only Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy. I read an article about him and his scandal with ex-best friend Chris and I got pissed off. I mean, if you were a true friend, a loyal one, would you even THINK of making a pass at your pal's girl?! Ugh... And that's not considering his Sidekick scandal. Fuck the fucker. Fuck him. Oh my goodness.

yep yep. we had our legacy concert yesternight. omg. so cool. :))

the bloomfields played. so did callalily. i didn't catch imago tho. sad. :(

okaaay, my mind's a floating. gotta go catch up with real life!

yep yep it's coming on!

happy new year guys! keep yer resolutions! nahaha! :P

chicosci's new video, 7 black roses, is on the myx daily top ten at #6. not #10, 9, 8, or even 7. straight up to #6!

oh yeah. the boys are home now. they came in yesterday from singa-core straight from their last gig.

interesting thing: joel didn't start the year right. lol. in the airport, an american guy behind him said he wanted to date joel, "the cute asian dude". puh-leease. he isn't available. ahaha!

It's already freaking me out.

I know my life has been revolving around music for the past few years but suddenly I realize that there are a lot of things that will happen to me if music vanishes from the world.

I know it's a queer realization and it's probably late already...

And also, my morbid fascination with OPM has turned me into a freak. I even freak myself out. I'm too focused on these things sometimes I don't even notice my studies anymore.

Aaargh...

Hey guys. Chicosci has a third album which is self-titled. The repackaged version (containing the 'A Promise' video and several bonus tracks) is due to be released on December 16, but, due to some reasons, the date was moved to Monday. OMFG, I hate that. I'm going to their gig tomorrow because I hoped to buy a copy of their new REPACKAGED cd but everything turned out wrong. And I spent so much of my energy persuading the rents to allow me. Sigh.

I hate this day.

Click here to take our Online Survey

I hate HELE.

Ugh... Now we have an assignment from Ms. Brigino and it's to draw a sewing machine and label its parts. For what? I mean, if I graduate as a psychologist in college, will I have a use for fricking sewing machines?! Not unless my patient had a problem with them... but then again, I'm not even sure if I want to be a psychologist!

I hate this...

I don't know why he didn't want to. We were getting along really well until he decided to dump me in his unwanted bin.

Or did he?

I don't really know. He doesn't even talk to me anymore. I IM him and he doesn't reply. That's even worse than replying bad words. At least you know he's mad at you. But silence - pure silence - now THAT'S freakier.

I tried to get him to talk to me again but he doesn't want to. Now I'm faced with a dilemma. I've told Marie about it and she doesn't really care. She said he'd probably talk to me again after he gets over whatever I did to him that made him angry. But I'm not so sure. Maybe I abused his kindness? Maybe his boss found out?! Oookay, I don't wanna think about that one.

I just hope he still cares about his friend.

~Let the symphony fly!~

What's up world?

I'm bored to death and they killed us with tests, irregular schedules and the play Whose Garden is This? We haven't even practiced thoroughly in the Assumpta Theater yet! Plus, some of our batchmates were pains in the neck, singing off-key even though they knew they could do it in falsetto. Ugh.

I know I didn't go to the NU Rock Awards, but I'm going to redeem myself by going to SM on December 16 where I'm (I hope) finally going to meet Kuya Joel. Wow! Super stardom?! :P

Finally! I've got the scans of the latest PULP mag, which features Sandwich, thanks to Yem. Email me if you want to check out the scans.

Cheers!

B